Thirty-eight - see I can say it!

Today is my birthday. Not a big deal, in fact I was telling our friend Holly yesterday that when you get to be my age, birthdays just kind of come and go - you'd rather not keep track. It is hard for me to believe that I am 38 years old today. I remember seeing my friend Roger at church when I was just out of high school and thinking, "He is sooooooo old!" - he was 26. Oh, what I would give to be 26 again! Oh, to know then what I know now...

Isn't that the lament of just about everyone? To be younger and to have the wisdom we have now. I would do many things different, namely marry Darrel a lot sooner! (Sorry, hon, for the eight-year wait!) I would take back all those wasted years I spent living in religion and legalism. I would love people instead of hiding from them. But then again I know that what I have experienced over the last 38 years has made me who I am today - a strong woman of faith and love, a woman able to live life to the fullest, a woman of clear vision and discernment. It's been a long road, but I think I'm getting the hang of this living thing...

I've been thinking a lot this morning about two things: The first is how much I love hearing my dad say "Happy HoHo!" every July 29th. It's just one of those things that totally defines my dad and his quirky, dry sense of humor. It makes me laugh every year. The second is although my physical birthday is July 1967, my true "re-birthday" is in April 1980. That's the day I knelt down and realized that the terrible hole in my heart could be filled with something wonderful - Jesus Christ! I realized my need for redemption, my need for a Kinsman Redeemer. Of course at that point I wouldn't have termed it that way, I mean really, I was only 12! But it was real, regardless of what I called it. I have lived many moments over the last 38 years - some I can't remember to save my life (ok a good part of it is like that, although I don't like to admit it!) and some, like the night I gave my life to Jesus Christ, I still remember vividly. It's funny to me how the things I thought I would always remember, the times of hurt and bitterness, have now faded into the background creating a lovely sky and landscape for the art of my life. Those things that come to the forefront of this masterpiece my Father is creating, are the times of my life lived in Him - Him through me. And even though I am only 25 years into my walk with Jesus Christ, I can see His hand and feel His presence through my entire life.

"Before I formed you in the womb I knew and approved of you [as My chosen instrument], and before you were born I separated and set you apart, concecrating you; [and] I appointed you as a prophet to the nations." - Jeremiah 1:5

"For You did form my inward parts; You did knit me together in my mother's womb. I will confess and praise You for You are fearful and wonderful and for the awful wonder of my birth! Wonderful are Your works, and that my inner self knows right well. My frame was not hidden from You when I was being formed in secret [and] intricately and curiously wrought [as if embroidered with various colors] in the depths of the earth [a region of darkness and mystery]. Your eyes saw my unformed substance, and in Your book all the days [of my life] were written before ever they took shape, when as yet there was none of them. How precious and weighty also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them!" - Psalm 139:13-17

Have a great week and pray for my kids as they go to church camp - a little harder on mom than it is on them...