I've got the too-much-time, quiet-house, kids-at-camp blues...

I am sitting here in my living room, in a chair that I never get to sit in, typing my blog and doing some laundry - and it's quiet. Normally that would alert me to the fact that there is a huge mess being concocted somewhere in the house or yard...but not today. I should be getting lunch around, answering a ba-jillion questions about what summer movie is playing today and what are we having for lunch and can we go to the pool. Silence is loud sometimes. My kids have been away at church camp since Sunday afternoon. It has been the longest three and a half days of my life. This is the first year for Jonah to go - actually the first time for Jonah to be away from me for this long. Oh, he's stayed with family and family friends before, but we've always called and visited several times a day. At this camp, there are no phone calls except in case of emergency. I wonder if bedtime is an emergency? I've wondered all week. Is insomnia due to worry because I forgot to pack his blanky enough to justify one measly phone call? Darrel assures me that it was God's hand of grace that I did not pack the blanky - a barracks full of boys and one with a blanky - someone's gettin' a can of whoop-butt opened on them tonight...

Ok, ok I understand. But it's a mama thing. You know, what bothers me the most is the possibility that he is having such a good time that he is not thinking about me at all. The ultimate mom-rejection. Kelsey has never been one to stay in one place very long. From the minute she was born, she was traveling - to the nursery, to my room, home, to Grandma's, wherever. She came equipped with this self-sufficiency that has baffled me and left me feeling a little left out ever since. During church this past Sunday, she leaned her head on my shoulder, looked up at me smiling and said, "I'm sure gonna miss you, Mom." She almost had me hook, line, and sinker - until I recognized that mischievious look in her eyes (the one that's just like her daddy's). I said, "Riiiiiight - I know you- it's gonna be party, party, par-tay the whole time!" She just giggled. I appreciated the effort to appease me, however. After Jonah had told us goodbye, hugged and kissed us for the fifteenth time that afternoon, I was sufficiently appeased.

Now most mothers would see this as the best week of the summer. No kids, time to myself, do all the things that I always wanted to do but couldn't. Well, I can't deny that there have been some wonderful moments - Darrel and I have enjoyed being on the lake Monday and Tuesday nights. But I have found that all those things I thought would be so fun have actually lost some sparkle without my kids. I guess you never realize how much something defines you until it's missing for a while. When I was in college, I would have raked you over the coals if you had suggested that I would one day define myself based on the role of motherhood. I had definite ideas about career and no children and serving myself and no one else. Now that I have all this time to devote strictly to what I want to do, it's just not fulfilling.

Darrel laughed at me this week - we were having bacon and tomato sandwiches for lunch and Darrel offered to bring some back for Jordan, a young man who works with him. He called in advance so I would fix enough for three. I innocently called back and asked if Jordan wanted his bread toasted, did he like white or wheat, would he want spicy mayo or regular, did he like his sandwich cut in rectangles or triangles, etc. Darrel said he hoped the kids got back soon - I was needing someone to "mother" really bad - of course I don't think Jordan minded being pampered a little! As this week comes to a close, I will be glad to have to type my blog with interruptions - I will be glad to hear those ba-jilllion questions - I will be especially glad to have my snuggle-buddies back. It's time to order school books for this year and I find myself anticipating another wild school year. I love my children with everything that is in me. I am so privileged to be able to be with them, to nurture them, to teach them, to hear their ideas and dreams, to share mine. They are the sunshine of my life - as Stevie Wonder sings.

I'll leave you with a little ditty...(come on, sing with me - you know you want to!)

Ba-badum-ba-dum...The house is too quiet
Ba-badum-ba-dum...I can hear myself think
Ba-badum-ba-dum...Kids are away at church camp
Ba-badum-ba-dum...No dishes in the sink

Ba-badum-ba-dum...I'm goin' a little crazy
Ba-badum-ba-dum...The house is too neat
Ba-badum-ba-dum...Darrel had to stop me at dinner
Ba-badum-ba-dum...From cuttin' up his meat!

I've got the lowdown, dirty...too-much-time, quiet-house, kids-at-camp blues
Oh yes I do
I've got the lowdown, dirty...too-much-time, quiet-house, kids-at-camp blues

Eat your heart out B.B. King