My Jingle Bells

I sat down last night to watch "The Polar Express" with Darrel after we finished working out in the kitchen, and I was amazed at the beauty of this picture. It was exciting and touching. As the movie neared the end, I realized that God was again speaking in His gentle way to my heart. Now I'm going to warn you - I'm going to tell what happens, so if you don't want to know, go out and rent it and then read this - ha!

The little boy in the film takes a ride on the Polar Express - a train to the North Pole. On his journey, he makes friends with two other children and has many exciting close calls along the way. He meets a hobo who tells the young boy that "seeing is believing". The boy is doubtful about whether all this is true. In fact, he cannot hear the sound of jingle bells because of his unbelief. In the end, after being in the North Pole, seeing the workshop for himself, and seeing Santa Claus, the boy decides that he does believe after all. Instantly he begins to hear the beautiful sound of the jingle bells. He even ends up with the first present of Christmas - a jingle bell off of Santa's sleigh. Upon boarding the train home, the boy finds that he has lost his jingle bell due to a hole in his pocket. He is very downhearted.

I saw myself so plainly in this little boy. I, like him, am on a journey with many perils and close calls. I'm not altogether sure of where I'm going - some far off land that seems more like a dream or a fairy tale than reality. I have made some very good friends along the way who help me become the person I am to be. I am told by my doubts that seeing is believing - their voices a constant nagging in my head. But as I experience life and the wonder of all that God does for me and for others in my life, I once again believe. As I choose to believe, I can hear the wonderful sound of the Spirit and of my Savior as He moves. I am reminded that Scripture tells me "blessed are those who don't see and yet believe." I hold on to little "jingle bells" as a symbol of my faith - I'm not so sure I can truly believe without them. When I lose them along the way, I am disheartened and my faith is shaken.

I have been told that I read way too much into things at times - perhaps this is one of them. I mean after all, it is only a movie...but bear with me. Aren't we so much like this little boy? As I asked God what my "jingle bells" were, several came popping into my mind. Church, my routines, traditions, contentedness, a feeling of happiness and well-being, circumstances...I could go on and on I think. As long as I can feel these "jingle bells" in my pocket, I have tremendous faith and feel like I can believe for anything. But why is it when I feel that one of my "indulgences" is gone, I can crash so easily into doubt and fear? It's not that these things are inherantly bad or anything. I am just simply feeling God calling me again to something deeper - asking me to give up these relics and icons and put my faith, my relationship, my belief in Him - without all the outward gratifications and confirmations. I can be so insecure and addicted to approval. I lose the joy and beauty of these everyday things like church, routines, traditions, happiness, circumstances. I can't see or hear God moving in them when I hold so tightly to them for my belief. I think it's then I begin to realize that when I let these things go - when I don't depend on them to supply my belief and faith - and just believe from my heart whether I see or not, He gives them back to me in a beautiful way.

The young boy awakes Christmas morning to find the jingle bell wrapped in a box with a note from Mr. C saying he had found the bell on the seat of his sleigh. The boy and his sister think the bell sounds so beautiful, but their parents think it is broken. He goes on to say that he can still hear the bell even though everyone else in his life has ceased to hear it's beautiful ring. I am embarking on reading a new book called "Revolution" by George Barna. Darrel says to hold on because it will challenge me in a new way. He says I am holding on to things to give me faith - to give me security in my relationship with God. I think I am getting ready to lose some of my jingle bells! Ha! I have a feeling we will be hashing this out as I progress through the book. Thanks for coming along on this journey with me - I think we'll both find some new paths and new ideas along the way.