What if?

Wow, this weekend was so busy but so fun! Hope you had a great time with friends and family like we did. I just got Nichole Nordeman's new CD, "Brave" in the mail Saturday morning and had the best time listening to it this weekend. I love her songs - they are the songs I want to write but just haven't found that place yet. I wanted to post today about one of the songs. It is a song she says she wrote "for a friend who thinks this Jesus stuff is nuts." I am going to give you the words to this song:

What if you're right? And he was just another nice guy, what if you're right?
What if it's true? They say the cross will only make a fool of you, and what if it's true?
What if he takes his place in history with all the prophets and the kings
who taught us love and came in peace, but then the story ends. What then?

But what if you're wrong? What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump? And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough? What if it's love?

What if you dig way down deeper than your simple-minded friends, what if you dig?
What if you find a thousand more unanswered questions down inside, that's all you find?
What if you pick apart the logic and begin to poke the holes?
What if the crown of thorns is no more than folklore that must be told and retold?

But what if you're wrong? What if there's more?
What if there's hope you never dreamed of hoping for?
What if you jump? And just close your eyes?
What if the arms that catch you, catch you by surprise?
What if He's more than enough? What if it's love?

You've been running as fast as you can. You've been looking for a place you can land for so long.
But what if you're wrong?

I can see so many people in this song. So many that we come in contact with everyday who struggle with the very existence of God let alone finding Him as Savior, Lover, Friend. But I also see me and the many times each day He asks me to believe Him, trust Him - to just jump, close my eyes, let His arms catch me by surprise. I have been the queen of "what if's" in the past. God is helping me out of that so much - but I used to have to examine every side to every issue and argue and stew and fight and point out all the points. I'm learning to let go and just trust Him. He sees sides I never get a glimpse of. Who better than Him to lead me, to guide me?

Each time He asks us to do something or step into new territory or climb to a new level in Him it's a chance. What if it's wrong? What if it's right? That's where we come back to the fact that Scripture says His sheep know His voice and the voice of another they do not follow. The more we step out and take the chance to believe and to trust, the more familiar we become with His voice. If we go the wrong direction or get off track, He is the Good Shepherd there with His rod and staff to help us get back on the right track again. He is loving and patient.

So as this first month of blogging comes to a close, I extend the same invitation that I did at the first - let's just jump, close our eyes, and let Him catch us! It's been a great month - looking forward to spending June with you!

I'll Never...

As I prepare to teach tonight's Sacred Romance group, I am thinking about the "arrows" launched at us by our enemy from childhood on and the effects they have on us throughout our lives. So often, as John Eldredge says in the companion workbook to the Sacred Romance, "the only thing more tragic than the tragedy that happens to us is the way we handle it - the choices we make, the person we become, the life we live (or don't live)." Believe it or not, as adults we do have a choice in how we respond or react to the tragedies and difficult situations in our lives. Some of the arrows that strike us as children leave us for a time without a choice and without control, but as we grow into adulthood, we are given the choice to make wise decisions according to the word of God.

So many times, however, even as children we say in our hearts, "I'll never let that happen again" or "I'll never do that" - these statements are literally inner vows or covenants we make with the enemy to control our own lives from that moment on. We put ourselves in charge. The thing is, we were never equipped to take control - God created us for relationship with Him - to give Him the Lordship of our lives. I am reminded of the great clip from the movie Bruce Almighty where Bruce finally realizes he cannot be God. As he stumbles down the road, he cries out to God and says, "I want You to decide what's best for my life. I surrender to Your will!" We cannot always know what is best for our lives. God knows that these times have the opportunity to make us stronger, more like Him. Does He inflict these times on us? I don't think He's the source of these things, but I do think that He allows them because of free will. Jesus said in John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]"

"But it did harm me" you might say. Let's look at it in view of eternity, where real life begins. These mortal bodies are simply shells for our real selves to reside in temporarily while we're here on the earth. When we realize that what happens to this physical body is not nearly as important as how we choose to respond in our souls, we begin to put things into an eternal perspective. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 says, "For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!]. Since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting." We must begin to see what happens to us as brief and fleeting in comparison to eternity.

So we've made inner vows in our past, what do we do now as adults? Well, the first step is to simply renounce them. Then begin to allow the Holy Spirit to come and minister truth to your life and healing to your heart. We don't just make inner vows as children, we are tempted to make them all the time throughout our lives. Darrel and I went through a situation a few years ago in which I made an inner vow to never let it happen again. I didn't even realize it until this week when a similar situation seemed to be arising. That inner vow rose up within me along with the need to immediately control the situation and turn it to my favor. I had to renounce that inner vow and repent for my sin. And true to His word, God was faithful and just to forgive me and cleanse me from that sin. I had to take my hands off the situation and let let God decide what was best - if that means going through a difficult time filled with hurt, then so be it - He will be faithful to see me through and make me stronger, more like Him. I encourage you today to rid yourself of these alliances you've made with the enemy. Relinquish control to your heavenly Father and let the trials make you stronger.

So Close

Our good friend, Brandon, taught Sunday School a couple of weeks ago. He brought out an interesting point that I have been pondering lately. He was teaching on the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6:9 - "Pray, therefore, like this: Our Father Who is in heaven, hallowed (kept holy) be Your name." I have always pictured that verse as saying, "Our Father Who is way off in heaven, holy is Your name." But Brandon brought out the point that the word "heaven" actually means the atmospheric heavens - that's right here with us - how exciting is that?! He is right here! I guess sometimes I felt like my prayers had to travel all the way up to God before they were heard. How funny - I never really realized how I visually pictured these things. But when we utter our prayers to our Father, He's right in front of us - all around us. Our prayers reach Him instantly. Does that mean He answers instantly? Not always. Sometimes He does and we feel that peace, but sometimes He waits or says no. I'm glad. I don't always know what's the best for me.

What a comfort to know that God is surrounding me - that He doesn't just 'come down' every once in a while when I really need Him bad. But He's here at all times. Hebrews 13:5 says, "Let your character or moral disposition be free from love of money [including greed, avarice, lust, and craving for earthly possessions] and be satisfied with your present [circumstances and with what you have]; for He [God] Himself has said, 'I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let you down (relax My hold on you)! Assuredly not!" What a comfort to know that we do not have to grasp and claw and fight to hold on to every last penny or material thing, that we can just simply relax in our present circumstances no matter what they are. We have the assurance that God is right here with us - I love the passion and intensity that the Amplified Version of the Bible shows here - He will not leave us or forsake us! Once again He provides us a way to be free from self-centeredness and be able to focus on others. When we find the security that having Him surround us brings, we can then have the confidence to step out and serve others because we know we're not alone!

Have you ever felt like me - that God was sometimes far off and distant? Take heart today and tune in to His presence all around you. Reach out and access all He has for you today and every day. He doesn't just come down and pursue you when He feels like it - He is constantly and relentlessly pursuing us each and every minute. Our Father Who is right here with us, holy is Your name!

It's Amazing!

Today I am overwhelmed by my Father's love. Even though I see many opportunities for stumbling today as I have my two kids plus two more toddlers staying with us this week, I am reminded over and over again how much I am loved and cared for. How I don't have to worry about taking care of myself, and I can be free to nuture and care for those around me. As Darrel and I gear up for another monthly "Sacred Romance" meeting, I am reminded of God's relentless pursuit of me - of my heart - who I really am. I am reminded that the arrows shot in my heart by the enemy can be used for the glory of God if I will let them.

Today I am amazed that when God looks at me, He sees His Son. I don't always see Him in me like I would like - but I see through earthly eyes. I am thankful that His righteousness covers my sin and allows me to come boldly before Him - into His chambers to dance at His feet. I love my Jesus - the ultimate Lover of my soul. I wouldn't trade Him for anything. I would never go back to the life I had before. I didn't even know what real life was. Oh, I thought I did - I thought I was living and making a difference in the world, all the while not realizing I was bound and enslaved to sin and selfishness, only living for myself really.

Tonight's Bible study lesson at church is on forgiveness. How can we even understand and give forgiveness to others until we have accepted Christ's sacrifice as an atonement for our sins and received forgiveness from Him? Today I have ample opportunities to extend forgiveness to another. Hurtful comments were aimed in our direction today by someone in our lives. I go back to Scripture and remember that my heavenly Father says He cannot forgive me if I do not forgive others. I remember that I cannot attach personal and selfish conditions on forgiveness. It's hard though, isn't it? Boy do I ever want to say, "OK, I'll let it go this time if you will only..." or "If you promise me you'll never do it again..." Those are our own terms. But Christ freely extends His forgiveness to us when we confess before Him. Shouldn't we also freely forgive those who have offended us? We've talked about it before - offense is a bad place to live. It brings no satisfaction - it only brings discontentment.

So today as I feel the love of my God towards me, I generously extend that same love towards those who God puts in my path. Thanks to everyone who cares enough to stop by and read these words - I will never pretend to be any kind of writer! Thanks as well to my good friends who add their wisdom and words of love along the way. You are a part of that amazing love of God in my life!

A Rainy Day

We have been so, so busy this weekend that I haven't posted in a while! We catered a wedding rehearsal dinner Friday night and a wedding reception Saturday night. Oh, the joys of catering...have I said that I just "luuuuuvvvvv" catering? Of course, I do get to have some "quality time" with Darrel, and that is better than not being with him at all!

Today is an exciting day because it looks like we will finally get some much needed rain. Growing up on a farm, we spent a lot of time in the spring/summer/fall living from rain shower to rain shower. There's nothing quite so excrutiating as a summer drought. Why is it that sometimes it seems like God withholds the rain at the most critical times? Then just when you think the crops are gone and there's no hope, here comes a nice little shower. Then again, sometimes rain doesn't come and we have to start over again with something else.

Our lives are kind of like that. We have times of spiritual refreshing as well as dry times. I feel like I've been through one of those droughts here lately. A time when I keenly feel the heat and dryness in my spirit, feeling weaker and weaker each day, hoping for just a drop from heaven. I know better...I know that these times shouldn't deplete me so. I've walked in stability before - I know how to gather manna and I'm learning how to live in abundance. So why do I feel like I'm standing back on the borders of Egypt? I spent most of my Christian life in churches where I was encouraged to live from one emotional experience to the next. Always looking for "a touch from God". Don't get me wrong, God does long to touch us and pour out His Spirit upon us. But I don't think He intended for us to focus on that. Once again I can see my selfishness ever before me. When we are only living for that "emotional high", we find ourselves totally self-focused. We're like a drug addict looking to score something bigger and better to top the last high. I don't think God wants us to spend our entire lives in this place - it's not a place of growth or a place of reaching out. It's a place of taking instead of giving.

As I type this post, my eyes are slowly opening and I am beginning to see a little more clearly. I've let myself wander backward, inward. Father God, turn my gaze outward - Holy Spirit woo me to that place of self-denial and discipleship. Yes, we are going to get some wonderful rain today in our little spot of the world. Yes, I think I feel the coolness of a summer rain reviving my soul as well. Thank you for listening to my sometimes incoherent ramblings. I hope with all my heart that as I hash through some things here, you are helped as well.

A Recent Comment

Here is a recent comment I received from a reader:

Stupid Beautiful said...

Diane - Okay, I think that clarifies who your God is. My "God" wants to ask you something.Do you believe that words can have double meanings? The reason I ask is... my "God" is a rather poetic one, and when he wrote a whole bunch of things down over the last several thousands of years, he wanted to be sure they would give something the masses to chew on and digest and truly understand the words for all of the power and depth that they represented.Instead, my "God" is a confused God, because it looks like another "God" has taken up residence in the hearts of most of the "God People". Lets call them "God-Fearers".The "God-Fearers" seem to be quite certain that face value is all that a word can be taken for, especially if it comes from God. Examples:Hell: Not to be taken at face valueSatan: Also not to be taken at face valueRepayment in the end: Future-obssessed poppycock.God as a warrior: Hilarious mis-matched imageryMy "God" is slowly getting apathetic towards all of us ... because we are too wrapped up in his words to notice when he's in the same room as us.My "God" is going to go get a beer, and watch some TV, and hope that I join him soon. Because lets be honest: even Gods need a little love. Real love.


I decided to blog my reply today...
I guess for starters I want to say it seems to me that you must not mean much to your god if his word to you is only meant to trick you and hide its true meaning. I shudder to think what my marriage would be like if we only spoke to each other in riddles or double talk. We simply would not be capable of having a real relationship. 1 Corinthians 14:33 says, "For God is not a God of confusion and disorder but of peace and order." God knows Who He is. He is not having an identity crisis. I do believe that there are a few parts of Scripture that are meant as symbolic, or as you say, can have double meanings. That, however, does not change the fact that it is inerrant or that the majority of it is meant to be taken at face value.

I'm sorry that your god is apathetic towards humanity. That does not speak very highly of him. Apathy has no place in love - 1 John 4:8 says, "He who does not love has not become acquainted with God [does not and never did know Him], for God is love." Then we are given a description or a definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, "Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end]." What kind of God would you rather serve - one who is apathetic towards you or One Who loves you?

It is a very convenient argument to simply dismiss all Scripture as "poppycock", but the courageous thing to do is to trust God and actually take Him at His word. You have to have some bravery in you to step out and believe - to ask Jesus to reveal Himself to you. Someday we will ultimately find out whose God (or god) is real and whose is man-made. We will find out which of us have served the true and living God and which of us have simply served our own image - our own selfish desires and agendas. Which of us have bent our knee to Jesus Christ and made Him Lord and Savior of our lives and which of us have bowed at the altar of selfishness. For here is the real issue of importance - deciding exactly what to do with Jesus Christ - we can create all kinds of gods for ourselves, but what about Jesus - do we dismiss Him like everything else? As far as whose God (or god) is real, all I can say is, I'm not worried...

Bart

Today I am humbled to the very core as I read a fellow blogger's journey of faith. I want to encourage every one of you to visit bartphillips.blogspot.com today and read the incredible wisdom coming from this man. He is facing having open brain surgery soon. He has small children. He is very young. How brave he is - yet he would never say it. Last night we talked about the topic of fear in our Wednesday night Bible study. God opened up His word to us once again as we applied it to different situations in our lives. We got to sit and listen to a young man who just returned for a visit after a long stay at Teen Challenge in St. Louis. He has overcome a drug problem. He is very young. How brave he is - yet he would never say it. There's another young lady sitting across from him who, together with her ex-husband, is trying to salvage the remains of a marriage marred by sin. They have small children. They are very young. How brave they are - yet they would never say it. Next to me is a young lady who has been an example of faithfulness to us all as she struggles to bring up her small son in the wisdom of God while her husband stays at home. She is very, very young. How brave she is - yet she would never in a million years say it. On and on I could go - a couple who bravely face a daughter's unplanned pregnancy and marriage, a single mom with a toddler and a newborn, a young man laying his heart on the line for another, a single dad trying to make ends meet and start his own business, a couple who lost their 9 year old daughter in a car accident, a girl trying to make sense of rejection while trying to make sure her family finds a different way...this is only a few of the incredible people God has brought into our lives to inspire us and to prod us on in our walk with Him. They are all very young. Most of them have young children. They are facing incredible circumstances. How brave they are - yet not one of them would ever say it. They simply cling to their Savior with no intention of ever letting go. Just like Bart...

Ouch!

Sometimes the things people say and do can really hurt! Even those people who love us the most can hurt us. It's so tempting to hold on to these hurts and offenses. Today's society is so offense-oriented. I believe it's because we have adopted a "look out for number one" attitude. We are so worried about protecting ourselves and our rights, getting what we want when we want it. There are even times we take on the offenses of others in our lives - those people we love and want to protect. But aren't we again doing Someone else's job? God is in charge of taking care of us. He says in His word, "Vengence is mine, I will repay". Darrel and I have been contemplating this scripture. We've always looked at it in a way where God is saying He will get our enemies good! But I think He is saying something different. Because He loves even those who hurt us, He isn't saying that He will get them back for what they've done to us. We have come to the conclusion that God is simply telling us to relax and not take on all these offenses. Don't worry about what you've lost or how you've been hurt - He will take care of you in all these things - He will repay to you what has been stolen from you - He's got your back! We are so focused on vengence - but Jesus told us to turn the other cheek, to walk two miles if asked to walk one, to forgive seventy times seven! What we belive He is saying is "Hey, just let it go! You are free to forgive and release not only yourself from the prison of unforgiveness, but those who have offended you as well!" We lose such a great amount of our lives to unforgiveness. Oh, we say we've forgiven and that we're free, but all the while we still hold those who have offended us in prison and bondage - the whole time hiding the key from anyone who would set them free. How sad. God is not about repayment - not yet. Right now, while we are still in this dispensation of grace, He is about restoration and relationship. Yes, there will come a day when those who have been enemies of the cross will get their just reward - but I think we will be surprised that those people will be fewer than those to whom Christ stretched out His loving hand of forgiveness. Heaven will not be sparsely populated. I think you and I will be surprised at just who is there. Those who hurt us? Perhaps. We can never truly know what has transpired in someone's heart. I'm glad of that. That offers hope to even me - who hurts others more often than I would ever want to think. I need His mercy and His grace. So do you. Let it go...

Words

I started taking Mandolin lessons about 7 months ago or so. It was a big thing for me to step out and even invest any kind of money in buying one let alone take lessons. But it was something I had always wanted to do. My teacher has been wonderful to encourage me along through much discouragement. I have had a hard time getting past some mental blocks. When I was in college, I was a vocal education music major. I had to take some instrument classes as well as vocal and how thrilled I was to see that I could take guitar! I signed up and eagerly dug around in storage at home until I found my dad's ancient guitar. I was a little disappointed when I found out it would be a classical guitar class, but hey - I just wanted to learn. As the semester progressed, I realized that things weren't going as well as they could be. At my final lesson, my teacher kindly stopped me during one of my songs and said, "Look, wow, you've tried real hard but you're a piano player, not a guitar player - I'm gonna go ahead and give you a B for effort - you can stop playing now." Granted I was thrilled with a B, but those words spoken so long ago killed something in me. It has always been a nagging dream way down deep in my heart to be able to play some sort of stringed instrument. But I could never shake off those words. Now, all these years later, I am finally beginning to break out of that slump.

I took my first guitar lesson last Wednesday afternoon...what fun it was! I've been playing and practicing all week - kicking the devil where it hurts the most! He loves to use people to plant words of discouragement in us to keep us from doing the very things we're gifted in! Often times it happens when we are children. Everyone has heard of "self-fulfilling prophecy" - living out words spoken over you. But these words carry spiritual weight as well. Scriptures says that if we cannot bridle our tongue, our religion is worthless and in vain - that the power of life and death is in the tongue. Scripture also says to guard your heart, for out of it flows the issues of life. We need to be careful of what words we are speaking and what words we are taking into our hearts. If you have been affected by words from your past, make the decision today to move out of that place you've been living - "like today never happened" - as the Switchfoot song, "Dare You To Move" says.

When should we schedule that first guitar lesson...?

kids

November 2004

The Best Thing About Being Quiet...

Yesterday, Darrel and I saw God move in one of the most vivid and mighty ways ever. We were part of a situation that from the outside looked bleak. We had prayed all morning that God would remove obstacles and close the mouths of the enemies that were gathering all around. I remembered that the Scripture says not to worry about what you will say when you're before men - that the Holy Spirit will give you the words. Boy, was I going to see the Word in action before the day was over. I watched as my warrior knight stood before the wolves, snakes, and vultures and fought for one of our "kids". He was strong and annointed. God totally gave him a place of favor to speak openly and say some very hard things. In the end, God saved the day. He showed Himself to be the God that cannot fail - that in our weakness, He is made strong - that He Who began a good work in us will be faithful to complete it. I could go on and on about the many ways God confirmed His word to us yesterday.

What was our basic instruction in all of this? God made it clear that we were to be quiet and let the enemy dig a pit for themselves. Then when the time was right, to speak the word of God to them. Don't ever think that the enemy doesn't know which buttons to push. He is practiced at it! He knows exactly what has worked in the past to stir us up - he hands us the shovel as we dig deep pits for ourselves. But if we will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and learn to be quiet - and that doesn't simply mean not speaking, but also keeping our emotions under His control - the enemy will begin to use that shovel on himself!

There is an old chorus we used to sing when I was a child that simply said "Victory, victory shall be mine...victory, victory shall be mine...if I'll hold my peace, let the Lord fight my battles...victory, victory shall be mine!" How true - if we will just hold our peace and let the Lord fight for us, we will see victory. I found a piece of paper by the couch the other day with the scribblings of my ever-composing, nine-year-old, song-writing daughter Kelsey on it. I think she summed it up best:

My God is big, my God is strong, there is none other like Him!
My God is all powerful, my God's in charge, my God is the greatest of all!
My God died on a cross for you and me, He destroyed the temple and built it again in 3 days!
My God made the blind man see, my God made the deaf man hear!
Remember my God when you awaken, remember my God when you sleep
Remember my God all the time.
My God you are best, my God you're better than the rest!

Out of the mouths of babes...

Be Careful?

Someone recently admonished us to "be careful" during this part of our lives - to be sure to save every penny, make decisions cautiously, scrimp and hoard...wow, now that's the life isn't it? I'm sure that's exactly why Jesus came... that we may have half a life - and that it may be spent cautiously and worrysome. Oh yeah, that's not why He came at all - He said He came that we may have life - and have it abundantly or to the full! I know this person meant well and that their comment came from a place of love and concern. Basically, most people think we're freaks and entirely too wild.

Darrel and I made a fresh promise to God today over our weekly "date lunch" - that we would purpose to live as unsafe and uncautious as we can - that we will take as many risks as possible in Him - that we will give every last penny we have, every last minute we have, every last everything we have - that we will not live bound by a wilderness/provision mentality, but that we will embrace this life with a attitude of promised-land abundance! Oh, how we like to manage God - to make Him safe and religious. He is anything but safe - He's wild! And that very wildness scares us to death - at least I hope it does - I hope it scares us to the point that we realize we are going to miss out on abundant life if we don't die to these selfish, vain ideas we cling to about God. Isn't that why we try to box Him in - because we're ultimately selfish? Because we like to think we're able to attain something from Him? Because it makes us feel good to have control?

Most things we do look very foolish to an outsider looking in. We have big dreams and what seems like little resources from a natural standpoint. Oh, but when we consider our supernatural resources...our dreams even begin to look small. God is big. God is wild. God is dangerous for good. So are we. So are you.

The Scariest Topic of All...

Grace...we don't understand it - we like to think we do, but we don't. Our law-driven flesh wants to fight against it. Even the definition given it is weak, "unmerited favor". What does that mean anyway? Well, maybe we can hash it out a little today. The whole issue of "how forgiven are we?" is a hot topic in a lot of circles today. Some say only those sins committed up to the point of salvation - from then on you have to be on top of things constantly. Some say exactly the opposite - you never have to do anything again for the rest of your life. Most are somewhere in the middle I think, struggling over the issue, worrying sometimes that they've gone too far.

I guess if any struggle has been the hardest for me over my life, it has been this one. Over the years, as I have allowed the Holy Spirit to wash my mind and my heart over and over again with the Word of God, I have changed my thought processes from self-focused beliefs about God to God-focused beliefs. I've come to realize that I give myself far more power over things than I really have. I realize that I had made it totally about me and left Christ somewhere on the outskirts. When God said in the book of Romans over and over again that we are justified by faith and that nothing can separate us from His love, He didn't add anything on to that - He didn't say, "except yourself" like we like to add. We give ourselves entirely too much power - we overestimate our abilities. I believe we are sealed to the day of our redemption and if that seal is somehow broken, then it can never be re-sealed. That's a tough saying, but I also believe that those people are few and far between. The world is full of sects and people that like to believe Heaven will be populated by "our four and no more". Heaven will not be sparsley populated! That's not God's character - He is not out to trick everyone out of eternal life. Why, oh why then would He have made Jesus go through what He had to go through? That would be even more cruel! God's character and heart are that NONE should perish but that ALL would have eternal life. He's not trying to make this hard, folks!

But how scary is this concept? Very scary, if your trust is in the wrong place. There are those that say, "well, you just can't tell new believers they're secure...they'll just sin!" or "this is just a liscense for us to live any way we want!" Wow, again you think very highly of yourself. You've just made it all about you again and not about Him. When we truly begin to understand grace, we realize that the "should of the law becomes the could of grace. Where there was rigid rule, there is now a releasing gift that empowers us to 'sin' if we want to, but also to be true - we can choose the best if we so desire, we can pay a price that seems enormous, and yet one day will be something so much more." (Peter Grieg, The Vision and The Vow) Does that make the law bad? No, it was needed to point the way to Jesus. It showed the people they couldn't do it by works or on their own. They needed a Savior to do it for them! But still today we preach salvation by works - well, if you can just read your Bible enough, pray enough, don't cuss, smoke or chew or run with those who do...Hogwash! It is by grace you are saved through faith (or relationship) and not by works so no one thinks they are doing it themselves by their own righteous acts! Our righteousness is as filthy rags to Him - what seems holy and righteous to us, like all those "good" deeds, are still and forever going to be filthy before Him. We need the righteouness of Christ to save us! We trick ourselves into thinking we can attain that righteousness or that He somehow gives it to us and then takes it back when we're bad, only to put us in the predicament of having to attain it again. Again, hogwash!

The ultimate problem most people have with grace is that they don't trust themselves - but are they supposed to? Ah...The truth of it is that we don't trust Him at all. Liscense to sin or freedom to choose? God never wanted our obedience out of fear or obligation. He gave us our free will to choose Him and serve Him and obey Him out of a passionate love for Him. Maybe the problem is that we don't really love Him. Jesus asked Peter three times if he loved Him. I know for me, after the third time, I looked down really deep and found out that I did love Him - with all my heart, soul, mind, strength, will...just like Peter.

The Call

Wow, it's been too many days since I have posted anything. We had a wonderful Mother's Day weekend - a great (huge!) family dinner at the city park, and a day with just our 4 at Springfield yesterday. I was going to post Sunday morning about Mother's Day - it would have been profound, no doubt (ha)...but God has a way of fine tuning our grand and lofty ideas about things sometimes.

We like to make the call to motherhood some noble thing, putting it high on a pedestal so that we feel good about ourselves. But the call to motherhood is no different than the call to anything else in this life. Aren't we called above all to be followers of Christ? I am reading a phenominal book right now by Peter Grieg called "The Vision and The Vow". He talks about this in chapter 7 - our call in life is to do whatever Jesus did - love the unlovely, feed the hungry, take care of the poor, do our work without complaining, pray for others, serve others, bind up broken hearts, make disciples, and this shockingly unglamourous list goes on and on! We want to be "called" to something big - to be a world-famous preacher or musician, to be a high-ranking official, to have the biggest and the best of everything - but the real call, extended to each and every person to ever walk this earth, is to simply follow in the footsteps of Jesus and walk in obedience to Him. It's a call to the seemingly mundane, the seemingly ordinary, the seemingly trite. "Well, I'm just not "called" to set up chairs for church - don't you know who I am? I'm a board member, I'm a teacher, I'm a leader, I'm a pastor!! That duty is for the ones who can't do anything else..." How many times do we voice this opinion? Maybe we don't voice it aloud, but if we're truly honest, we think it!

As mothers, we are called on to do many of these things for our families. As long as we categorize them under the "Call to Motherhood", we don't mind doing them. But sometimes when the Holy Spirit asks us to serve others in the same way we say, "I just don't have time" or "I'm just not called to that". We don't mind serving others as long as it's under some noble title or as long as we can put ourselves up on a pedestal for doing it. We don't mind as long as it's comfortable. And when it goes unnoticed or when we aren't properly validated for doing it, well that's a whole new ball game!

This is one of those times I talked about earlier where we hold hands and jump with abandon into the Father's arms. Let's take the plunge, together! Let's find ways to serve others and to walk in the footsteps of Jesus whether it's noticed or not. Even if no one else sees, I guarantee Jesus sees...

Truman Days

Today is our city celebration of "Truman Days" - Lamar is the birthplace of Harry S. Truman. RPM is going to sing twice and I am looking forward to it. It is also graduation, and my nephew will be graduating today. My neice will also graduate sometime this month. How quickly time flies! I have been thinking a bit this morning about how God blesses our area because of President Truman's positive relationship with Israel. A small part of history, yet with such spiritual implications. It makes you wonder how those decisions we make everyday - big and small - will affect those who come behind us. Will they bring blessings to our descendants? We pray that they do. I pray that my children will be able to live from their heart with so much more ease because of the way we are choosing to take risks with God. That they will have the courage to fulfill their dreams because they see me finally trying to realize a few of mine (even at the ripe ol' age of 38!). When you think of things from an eternal perspective, it transforms even the smallest decision into a matter of great importance - do I snub that person on the street who made a snide remark about me, or do I model for my children the love of Christ? Together, let's make a conscious effort to make every moment count for eternity. We never know who is paying attention...

A Knight in Shining Armor

When my husband, Darrel, and I first got engaged (after 8 long years of on-again-off-again dating), I remember coming home to my little duplex and finding it absolutely spotless! Of course I had not left it that way when I went to work. Just a few minutes later, here came Darrel just as pleased as he could be with himself - he had spent the afternoon cleaning up my terribly messy apartment! He was so sure that I would shower him with kisses and lavish him with praise. How shocked he was when I turned around and stomped out the door, red-faced and fuming!! He came after me, of course, asking me what was wrong, what had he done wrong, why was I so mad. Funny thing about those people who do not know how to love yet; when confronted with an act of love, they freak out! I was so independent and had shut myself off to everyone and everything around me that this whole scenario seemed like a threat instead of a treat. I boldly turned around and got in Darrel's face and yelled, "I don't need some knight in shining armor riding in and messing around in my life, hoping to be the hero!" Wow...harsh...zing!

What he was saying through his act of kindness and servanthood was that he loved me and knew that I had to work a lot, and that he thought this would be a blessing - one less thing I would have to worry about. Those messages trickled down through a distorted view of love and shouted out to me, "You're a failure!" "You can't do anything right!" "You're incapable and unable to take care of even the smallest task!" A huge cavern of difference between the two, huh? How many times do we hear the message of God's love in our lives only to have it trickle down and be filtered through a distorted view. We see God as harsh like the man did in the parable of the talents. We think that He's really saying He's disappointed in us. We turn that critical voice on others because of our insecurity. The enemy of our souls has tricked millions of people down through the ages with this same device. But it doesn't have to be that way - Scripture says we can wash our minds with the water of His Word. We can boot out those old ways of thinking and replace them with God's way of thinking! Whatever has happened to you in the past, let God have it and throw it into the sea of forgetfullness. Don't let the events of yesterday determine who you are today and who you will be tomorrow - or how you view our heavenly Father.

Well, I finally did calm down after a while, and that day was the beginning of a journey for me that would lead down the road of grace and mercy. I began to see, through the patient and loving instruction of my incredible best friend, that not only could I let others love me, but I could let God love me, too! That's when the most remarkable thing happened...I found out I could love right back!

The Battle's Won

Do you ever feel like the pressures of this life are going to crush you? We woke up to one of those days today and as I was getting around this morning, I began to hear my sweet Lover sing me a song...I'm beginning to recognize these times quickly, and I dash for my computer ready to spill it out on paper. How He longs to sing over us - to hide us in the shelter or shadow of His wings! When we're tired, depressed, lonely, stressed out, or just plain mad - He understands. It's one of the reasons He went to the cross. So we can access His grace, rest in Him, and live life to the fullest. We fight and claw our way through this life, "kicking against the goads" (which simply means to keep offering vain and perilous resistance), when Jesus is trying to get our attention to let us know that He's already won the battle. Does that mean that we never fight the enemy? Of course not. The battle is very real and we are called upon at times to fight with all our might. But this is a different battle - this is the battle we fight with selfishness. The temptation to focus on ourselves and our rights and what we don't have yet and what we are sure we deserve and on and on...I believe the true battle against the enemy can be energizing! But these everday battles with our selfish will and pride are what zap the energy from us. That's when we're drained of strength. Rest in what Christ has accomplished - realize that you don't have to take care of you - that's God's territory. Look up and look around at those people God is bringing into your life so you can model His love for them. I think it's in that place that you'll find peace.

A Love of a Jealous Kind

I've been listening to a song today over and over again - ever do that? It's like I'm trying to absorb every possible note and lyric into my soul. The song is "Jealous Kind" by Jars of Clay. There is one line that haunts me - "I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar than be broken by a lover I don't understand." Oh Jesus that's me! Isn't it odd that no matter how miserable that familiar spot is for me, it's the first place I run for cover. I'd rather sit in a stinking, filthy heap than allow myself to be broken by the Lover of my soul. All because I don't understand Him. I can't fathom His incredible, jealous love for me. No one has ever loved me like that - I think that's why I don't trust it sometimes. His fierce, hot pursuit of me is terrifying at times.

Here's the words to the song:
I built another temple to a stranger, I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger, sought the company of fools instead of friends

You know I've been unfaithful, lovers and lies
While you're turning over tables, with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle, thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you, and your love of a jealous kind, love of a jealous kind

Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading, for solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar, than be broken by a lover I don't understand
Cause I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride

This song is so incredible, and I urge you to find it - download it - listen to it over and over again. Let it get down in your soul. I think the ultimate question that comes to the forefront is "Why?" I can't see anything in me that would attract such a love. My only option is to simply receive it - breathe it in - let it permiate every fiber of my being - then pour it back out.

A New Adventure

God is calling me...calling me from my safe, "middle of the road" life to come out to edge. The edge of what? Well, right now it seems to be the edge of reason. Why would He choose to call me, an ordinary woman, to step out to the edge and do extraordinary things? Sometimes it's a call to the edge of sanity. Hearing the voice that says, "Well, you've done it now. You've lost your mind. You've pushed too far, to the outer limits." And forever it's a call to the edge of eternity - where real life begins - true reality. So, this endeavor is simply an answer to His call. You might find something you like here. You will more than likely find some things you don't. I hope so anyway. This is a place where we can hash out the meaning of things - a place where maybe we can gain a little insight into the heart of God. I hope you will venture to the edge with me. Then together we can hold hands...squeal a little...and free fall with total abandon into His hands.