The Jerk

I've been a jerk this week. Not just your ordinary jerk, however - I've been a royal pain in the...well you know what. And the sad thing is that the people I've hurt the most are the ones I love the most. It's not like I have any real excuse either. I guess if I had to have one, I could blame the fact that I was worried about getting the test results back from a mole I had removed. But now that I have had my stitches taken out and I know the tests came back negative, that excuse seems a bit lame. I could chalk it up to hormones...oh yeah, I had that all taken care of last month. Dang, it seems that I've just simply been a jerk in a bad mood with no excuses.

I've been thinking about my attitude all night and most of the morning. I decided to quit being such a hard butt about school - the kids have dubbed me the drill sargent already this year which is about two months earlier than they usually do. I've been barking, biting, cutting, snyde, sarcastic, pushy, and the list goes on and on. So today we took a much needed day off and I am letting the kids play outside in the gorgeous fall weather we are enjoying right now. They are ecstatic and are having fun on the trampoline - at least I think that's what the screams I am hearing are from...

This week was an excellent opportunity for God to begin to show me some things about myself through His ever-patient and persistent Holy Spirit. I am not walking in love. Duh...you say. That is deserved - but I am thinking that He wants me to pursue this thought a little deeper. Just what exactly does it mean to walk in love? We've been discussing it off and on through this blog over the months. Most of us would say it is being polite, kind, respectful, tolerant, nice, etc. And it is all these things. But still I think God is trying to get me to dig deeper. There is a song the kids like to sing "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. He says, "I spoke sweeter and I loved deeper and I gave forgiveness I'd been denying." That song has haunted me over the past week. As I fretted over whether I would have some sort of skin cancer or not, I came face to face once again with my mortality. Did I want my kids to remember me like I was this week? Not a chance. What about those people in my life and the ones just passing through? How would they feel about me? Would they know how much I loved Jesus or would they think I'm just a big selfish jerk?

Jesus said to his disciples in John 14:34-35, "I give you a new commandment; that you should love one another. Just as I have loved you, so you too should love one antoher. By this shall all [men] know that you are My disciples, if you love one another [if you keep on showing love among yourselves]." The Pharisees asked Jesus in Matthew 22: 36-40, "Teacher, which kind of commandment is great and important (the principal kind) in the Law? [Some commandments are light - which are heavy?] And He replied to him, 'You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind (intellect). This is the great (most important, principal) and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as [you do] yourself. These two commandments sum up and upon them depend all the Law and the Prophets."

I was blog surfing the other day and came upon a girl who was involved in the religion of Wicca. Even the name conjures up all kinds of disapproval among many Christians. But here's what got me. She was talking about how Christians were supposed to love - that this is what Jesus teaches - yet she and many others were severly judged and persecuted because of their choice of religion. God has been opening my eyes to what the majority of our country's population thinks about Christians. It is not favorable. They lump us together under the category of judgemental, right-wing, conservative, hellfire and brimstone preaching hypocrites. The very thing Christians do to others is being done to us. We watched Rob Bell's NOOMA series "Bullhorn" on Wednesday night for our Bible study. He was talking about this very thing. When are we going to put the bullhorn down and stop condemning people and pick up the basin and the towel and begin to serve others in love? Some people misunderstood his message and thought he was saying that there was no hell or that we shouldn't let people know that the wages of sin is death. He wasn't saying that at all. He was simply putting the ball in our court and asking us to pick it up and get in the game.

What does it mean to love? What did Jesus mean when He said that they would know we are His disciples by our love for one another? I think today most Christians are known by the political stance they take, or by the picket signs they carry, or by the long skirts and long sleeves they wear, or by their hair do's or lack thereof. They may be known as Christians, but Jesus didn't say "Christians" - He said that they would know we are His disciples. Jesus didn't say that we would be known as His disciples because of our haughty, snotty, disapproving looks at those who are not like us. He didn't say that they would know us because we didn't drink, smoke, cuss, or chew and because we didn't run with those who do. He didn't even say that we would be known as His disciples because we did those things in the name of grace and freedom. People are not going to recognize us as disciples of Jesus because we are free to have a beer and smoke a cigarette. We make Jesus all about some of the most petty things. It's deeper than that. He says people are going to notice something different about us because we love and serve others unselfishly. Because out of love we show people respect and honor even when they don't deserve it. Because out of love we choose not to argue or complain. Because out of love we give beyond our resources. Because out of love we lay down our lives and give up our rights on behalf of others. These are the things people will notice. No one will ever remember our soapboxes or sermons. They will, however, remember the tone of those soapboxes and sermons. Did we speak sweet? Did we love deep? Did we give forgiveness easily? These are the important things.

So in the end, my week of being a selfish jerk did more harm than I could imagine to those in my life. I got up this morning and apologized to my husband and to my children for the way I had behaved this week. They quickly, lovingly, and lavishly granted me forgiveness. I am so grateful. I am making a committment to try once again to speak sweeter, love deeper, and give forgiveness. I am going to live like I was dying, because after all, isn't that what we are doing? We are not promised a tomorrow no matter how young or old, healthy or sick we are. To those who judge and condemn and argue with others in the name of Christ...grow up. To those who are being jerks like me...grow up. Let's get past all the petty stuff and be about our Father's business. Let's pour our lives out for others as an offering to God. Let's lay down our rights and our lofty ideas and arguments. Let's be about something really important - loving those people around us, offering them acceptance no matter what their beliefs, serving them and giving to them beyond our resources, dropping the "holy" act and allowing the true righteousness of Christ to transform us into something totally unrecognizable...something just like Jesus.

Lay the Axe to the Root

I was visiting with a friend the other evening. She was asking me why I thought she was struggling with memories from the past that she thought she had dealt with and forgotton. I was floored by the question mainly because I, too, had been plagued recently with some issues of the past springing back up to haunt me.

I think sometimes we are confused when issues we thought we had "conquered" show up later on in our lives. If you've read my blog or know me at all, it is no secret that I have had some issues with my family as I was growing up. There were many dysfunctional aspects to our family unit. There were also many wonderful aspects to our family which I have come to appreciate greatly. Recently, a situation arose which troubled me more than I thought it should have. In an instant, I switched from being the Diane who has learned to change her thought processes and has overcome the past and is living victoriously and forgivingly to Diane who wants to wring someone's neck and insists on wallowing in self-pity, hatred, and unforgiveness. Wow, what happened here? I felt like I was 12 years old again, trying to sort out and deal with adult problems in order to protect those I love.

Just like my friend, who is reliving some terrible memories from her childhood, I realized that something deeper was going on in my heart. I told my friend that maybe God was allowing us to relive some of these feelings in order to get to the root of some left-over behaviors - sort of residue if you will. I think that things we go through sometimes cause us to make decisions that allow strongholds into our lives. Sometimes we make inner vows that need to be broken. These strongholds can go undetected for many years. I think God allows us to deal with them piece by piece sometimes - a little more of the stronghold is chipped away at each level of maturity we reach. Eventually, when we are ready, we are presented with the opportunity to ask the Holy Spirit to lay the axe to the root of the stronghold. That is when we find true freedom from these issues.

God showed me, through my wise husband, that I needed to set some new boundaries in my family relationships. It was the scariest thing I ever had to do. But God, in His infinite mercy, had already prepared the way and was speaking to other family members as well. The whole thing went so smoothly. I truly felt like I put that little girl to rest and a little more of the victorious woman emerged.

What about my friend? Why would God allow her to recall memories of abuse that she had tried so hard for years to forget? Well, I asked her to explore the idea that maybe God wanted to dig deeper into her heart - to confront strongholds and inner vows that were hiding there. Maybe there are things that are keeping her from fully trusting or loving God. Maybe there are things that are keeping her from having sucessful relationships. Maybe there is unforgiveness. Maybe there are insecurities He wants to reveal and replace with confidence. I don't know the answers. She will have to discren them herself. But I do know that God is faithful to us and that His word says that all things work together for our good.

How about you? Are there issues that keep resurfacing in your life? Maybe it's time for a deeper look into your heart. Is there a destructive behavior that you just can't get away from? Do you just keep on and keep on doing things that you know profit you nothing but heartache? Maybe you just get angry, I mean really angry over stupid things - things that seem little. Maybe you sabatoge your relationships or continue to get involved with people who hurt you. Whatever the "branch" is that's growing from your tree, be assured that there is a "root". Ask the Holy Spirit to come and lay His axe to the root. There will be pain involved for sure, but from personal experience, I've learned that the Holy Spirit strikes swift and true.

A Week To Remember, Hopefully Last Installment

Well, I am finally getting back to finishing the saga of our anniversary week. Darrel scolded me for not finishing sooner and leaving everyone a cliff hanger. He only says that because he knows the rest of the story - all of you have no idea what happens next, so it has probably not kept you up the last two nights...

As I said before, we often have our own agenda and things we plan to do and not to do, but God has His plan which is often decidedly different than ours. Monday afternoon Darrel and I upacked our suitcase and waited for the kids to come home with Doug. We were watching Martha Stewart's new show on TLC (sorry, I'm still a big Martha fan - she just does home stuff great!) when the phone rang. It was Doug and suddenly my stomach felt like it wanted to rid itself of all the wonderful stuff we ate the entire weekend. I understood that there had been an accident, and the kids were alright although Doug said he was bleeding a lot. Amazingly he told us right where they were (at the intersection of 71 Hwy and 126 Hwy for those close by) and we literally flew out the door. I've never ridden through town so fast before - we had heard the fire trucks go out and we knew we wanted in front of them, but no such luck and we had to follow them to the highway at which point Darrel passed them and screamed at Dane as we drove by that our kids were out there. I had no idea the truck could go 150 mph and the trip there seemed to take hours although it couldn't have taken much more than a couple of minutes. We landed in the median and took in the most horrific sight I have ever seen. I'll try to keep the keyboard dry as I type. The Explorer looked smashed to me. I couldn't see how my absolutely adored brother-in-law and my precious, precious babies could possibly still be alive. There were people everywhere, it seemed - ambulance personnel, passerbys, angels... One lady, who we found out later is an RN, was holding Doug's head like a vice and I said/screamed probably "Where are my babies?" She pointed with her head toward the side of the road. Darrel and I ran faster than we ever thought we could toward the most beautiful sight I have ever seen - my children standing with their arms held out for us. The ambulance attendant reached them about the same time, and as soon as Darrel knew they were ok, he ran back to be with Doug. The kids and I went to the ambulance where the kids were checked over from head to toe - and I am telling you that Jonah had one tiny piece of glass stuck under his arm that just popped out clean as a whistle and Kelsey had a place on the bottom of her foot where earlier a piece of glass had been removed by one of the men at the scene. They were so brave and so clear thinking and so aware of God's presence and His grace. I have never been prouder of them. Kelsey could remember every detail of the accident, which was such a blessing because Doug couldn't. She told me that there was a blowout - the back passenger tire. That they had rolled over one time - it had in fact been eight times. And that they had landed on their feet, er tires! (They're cute under any circumstance!) She told me that Uncle had cut his ear like Grandma did a year ago - he had in fact cut it off leaving it hanging across his cheek. She said that when the car landed, Uncle asked if everyone was ok - she looked over to answer him and instead saw his ear and said, "Oh dear God, dear Jesus, help Uncle!!" Uncle immediately told them not to look at him anymore, and they obeyed instantly (thank God).

As we have pieced together details of what happened, we see God's hand as He held them and placed His angels and His people where they needed to be. Here's how it went. Doug had passed a truck with two men in it, Rodney Ayers and Jarod Lamb. Doug made eye contact with Jarod, who is a pastor in Sheldon. Jarod asked Rodney if he knew that guy, but Rodney didn't see who it was. Jarod said, "We've got to pray for him right now - something's going on!" They prayed and then watched in horror as Doug and the Explorer danced eight rounds. They were the first ones to stop. They got my kids out and took them over to their truck bed. Rodney pulled the glass out of Kelsey's foot and then they prayed for them - thanking God that they were ok, asking for God's healing in their bodies, and begging that they would not be tormented by remember the images from the wreck. This proved to be the prayer of the year for them. Others stopped as well - a truck driver who grabbed a bottle of peroxide and dumped it over Doug's head, a wonderful lady who watched over my children as Rodney and Jarod helped Doug, the RN who I know now held Doug's ear on and applied pressure to the massive head wound he had on the crown of his head. I'm not sure of every detail because the kids and I were in the ambulance the whole time, but I do know that they had to cut Doug out of the car and ended up flying him to Joplin. Rodney and Jarod stayed the whole time helping and praying and just being there for Darrel and Doug. What agents of God's grace and love they are. We found out later that just 15 or so miles before the accident, Doug looked back and realized that Jonah didn't have his seat belt on (he's famous for taking them off - we have to recheck several times during trips). When I think about what might have happened if he hadn't had his seat belt on...needless to say we don't have to remind either of them now. It was hard to convince them to get into the truck so we could go to the hospital. Jonah was sure he could walk wherever we needed to go or else he could just stay in the ambulance all night. Reluctantly they got in and we made it to Freeman Hospital to be with Uncle.

Doug remained conscious the whole time. Many doctors and nurses came in to see him simply because they had never seen anyone who had these injuries who was so coherent and because they had never seen anyone come out of an accident like that with so few injuries. At the scene of the accident, Doug and Darrel had realized that his collar bone was probably broken as there was a bone sticking up and it hurt very badly. Brandon and Darrel were back with Doug in the emergency room and they laid hands on the collar bone and prayed that God would heal the broken bones. The bone went down and it quit hurting - when they x-rayed him, they could find no broken bones! Now believe what you want, but we know that God touched him and healed that collar bone. Doug had a head wound that went down to the skull - another centimeter and it would have probably killed him. There was not a scratch on the skull, which was another miracle. He had a pretty good patch of road rash on his elbow. They figured out that his arm went out the side window first and when he felt the pain, he jerked it back inside. But by the time his head went out and hit the pavement, eight time, he was feeling no pain and couldn't react. He stayed in ICU for a few days and then was transfered out to the floor. They reattatched his ear, which the doctor said looked like a surgical cut it was so clean, and then on Thursday they did plastic surgery to close the wound on his head. He came home on Friday and was preaching at Revolution 375 Friday night! Doug has realized that God has a calling on his life, and he is wasting no time fulfilling it!

Thursday morning, Doug awoke to find a man in scrubs with his hand on him. He told Doug he was one of the surgeons. Doug said that he must want to look at his head. The man said no that Drs. Silverburg and Meier would take care of that, and that he was just there to let him know that everything would be fine and that they would take good care of him. When Doug asked the nurses about the doctor who came in that morning, they told him there had been no doctors there yet. When Doug described him to the nurses, they said there was no doctor there that looked like that. Again, believe what you want, but I have a feeling the Great Physician made a visit that morning. A short while after that, Doug awoke again to see a man sitting beside him - a real man this time who was the father of a girl Doug works with. He said that he had been up all night praying for Doug and wanted to hear his story. Doug told him everything. The man said that God had showed him in prayer that the enemy had tried to kill Doug because of the tremendous call God had on his life and becuase of the things Doug would do in the future. He then began to pray and prophesy over Doug, speaking about things that are and things that would come. It was incredible.

I know this has been a very long post, but I had to get it all out - I had to tell you what God did for our family in the last eleven days. I want it to increase your faith and to assure you that whatever the enemy means for harm and evil, God means for good. I do not know why God allowed my children to escape injury and even death. I do not know why some do not escape. I only know that I'm so, so thankful and that I hold my children tighter and I love them even deeper. I know that I absolutely adore my brother-in-law more than ever. I know that I am married to the most wonderful and compassionate man in the world. I know that we have such an incredible support system - church, friends, family. I know that this world is full of wonderful people, full of faith, willing to step up to the plate and help in times of need.

I also know that I have some wonderful friends who read this blog faithfully, and I appretiate you standing on the edge with me and sharing my observations...

A Week to Remember, Cont'd.

Back from the doctor now, so let's pick up where we left off. Darrel and I left Ellsworth Friday afternoon and headed for Kansas City. As we checked in to our hotel room, we were able to visit with an employee about our wonderful day at the prison - she was very astounded that we would even consider doing the ceremony. I love to see people's faces when you just love them no matter what they say or do! Next we headed off to the Plaza for dinner. It was such a beautiful evening, we decided to park the car and walk the 3 blocks to our restaurant. The seafood at McCormick & Schmick's was incredible - my scallops were perfect and Darrel's stuffed shrimp was the last word in shrimp. We had so much fun visiting with our waitress and watching the activity on the plaza streets below. We headed back toward our parking garage with a quick detour to the Cheesecake Factory for some Caramel Latte' and Boston Creme Pie Cheesecake. Needless to say, it was absolutely heavenly! I'm sure they'll have that in heaven! As we were leaving, we passed a man sitting on a sidewalk bench soliciting sponsers for the AIDS walk the next day. His name was Larry and he told us that he was HIV positive but had been symptom-free for several years without medication. Just as we were about to talk to him about Jesus, he informed us the reason for his good health was Jesus Christ in his life! He was very excited to talk with us about what God had done in his life. We sponsered him and then went on to our car. Sometimes we can have this surreal feeling that our lives are not our own - that our steps are indeed ordered by God.

The next day we headed out to Gail's Harley Davidson where they were having a huge bike rally with hundred of bikes, a band, food, t-shirts, etc. It was a lot of fun and we came very close to purchasing a new Heritage Softtail with an unbelievable paint job. But then reality struck hard and we remembered that I had indeed just had two major surgeries in the last 6 months and we should probably pay for those instead. Bummer. We did some shopping and then headed to a movie. I know it sounds strange to do something so ordinary as see a movie, but hey - we didn't have to find a babysitter, it was a matinee (something we never get to do), we didn't have to worry about what time we got home, etc. We saw "Skeleton Key" with Kate Hudson - it was great and I won't give away anything about it. Go see it, though. We had dinnner and drove around the plaza some more. Sunday we had a wonderful brunch at Tomfoolery's on the Plaza and then walked and window shopped. Once again, it was a beautiful day and the Chief's were playing at Arrowhead so the traffic was good and the streets and shops were basically deserted. We had such a great time just being Darrel and Diane - talking about things we don't slow down enough to talk about normally, looking into each other's eyes, holding hands... sappy stuff. We went to the JC Penney's outlet and then headed off to meet Doug and Brandon who had come up to go to my Aunt Marie's funeral visitation in Kansas City that evening.

Aunt Marie is my dad's twin sister. It is so hard to see my Uncle Al so hurt and lonely. They spent every waking moment together since their retirement. We spent the evening at the visitation, then went to the International House of Prayer (IHOP). It was a neat experience that gave us a lot of good ideas for the 24hour prayer house we are hoping to start soon. Monday morning was the funeral and then we spent a few hours at the house with my family. Darrel and I headed home Monday afternoon remembering all the wonderful moments of the weekend. We arrived in Lamar around 4:30 or so and waited for Doug to bring the kids home so we could all go to Mosiac. Sometimes our agenda and time schedule is nothing like God's...

More to come...

A Week To Remeber Forever

To describe what has transpired in the last seven days, I will probably have to break this blog up into two sessions. Our lives are always full of activity and people and events, but this week was taking it too far in my opinion. I will begin at the beginning and hopefully be able to finish it in one sitting.

Thursday evening, Sept. 8th, Darrel and I left for Ellsworth, Kansas to spend the night. The next morning we arrived bright and early at Ellsworth Correctional Facility, a medium/minimum security prison. We joined Aunt Janice in her visit with her husband, Marty, who is now serving his 20th year. Darrel had the privilege of marrying them seven years ago in El Dorado, Kansas. It was a scary thing for this naive farm girl, going into a prison for the first time - Gary, Darrel's dad, sure had fun with me teasing me about my impending strip search upon entering the prison doors...YIKES!!!! I didn't have to endure anything worse than stepping through a metal detector and not being able to wear a camisole under my shirt (they don't like people to wear layers). At around 10am we met Tina, a friend of Janice's, who arrived resplendant in a light blueish-purple dress, a marvelous wedding veil, and a smile that could light up a room. Darrel and I entered the hall to the captain's office, and there we met Wayne, the nervous groom. Wayne is doing time for murder. Wayne was bound not 6 months ago in the Aerian religion. Wayne sat before us Friday a new creature in Christ, changed by God's power through a program at Ellsworth called IFI which introduces inmates to the saving grace of Jesus Christ. If I thought Tina's smile could light up a room, Wayne's smile could light up an entire city! It was such an honor to visit with them and hear bits and pieces of their story and to see the love they had for each other and for God. It was just Tina & Wayne, Darrel & me, and the chaplain, Herbie Harris. Darrel did a marvelous job, and the Holy Spirit was so sweet. It was a wonderful way to kick off our 11th wedding anniversary celebration weekend! When we were finished, we were given the awesome privilege of taking a tour of the new Spiritual Life Center right smack-dab in the middle of the prison compound. Chaplain Harris was so gracious to allow us this honor. It was built almost entirely by the prison inmates and funded by outside gifts and donations. It seats around 300 and there are rooms all around the outside of the sanctuary for the inmates to use for Bible studies, counseling, music practice, as well as providing a place for other religions to meet. Darrel and I were invited to come back and preach and sing. We were also invited to bring the Rev 375 Band and Darrel's big grill to cook for and minister to the 850 inmates that reside at Ellsworth. This is so incredible!!! We stayed and visited with Marty, Janice, Wayne, & Tina for a couple of hours and then headed off to begin the second installment of our anniversary weekend.

For now, I need to stop and get to the doctor for a check-up. I will type more this afternoon, hopefully! As I go, I want to say congratulations to my blog-friend Amanda Sue (her blog is called Upheaval - it is awesome!) and her husband Daniel on the much anticipated arrival of their first child, Dillon!! God bless this new family!

Confessions

This blog has been a long time in the writing. I've been mulling it over in my head for a while. I just finished an excellent book, "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. I highly recommend it to you - although I will warn you that it will shake you up a bit. If you will press past your first overwhelming urge to put it down and never pick it back up again, you will be rewarded with a great read. In one of the chapters, Don tells about how he and some of the other Christians on the campus of Reed University decided to make their presence known on campus during the annual "Ren Fayre". They kicked around several ideas finally settling on setting up a confession booth in the middle of campus with a sign that said "Confess your sins." Here was the catch - they would not be accepting confessions from the students, but doing some confessing to the students asking them to forgive them for the way Jesus' name has been misrepresented throughout history as well as today. I think this was absolutely brilliant. I would like to set up my own blogger-confession booth here today. Won't you sit a while and let me do some apologizing?

First, I want to start as they did - I would like to apologize for the horrendous acts of violence throughout history against humanity in the name of Christ. There have been many people throughout the course of history who have murdered and spread a message of racial hate instead of a gospel of love for all people. I know I didn't have anything to do with these things personally, but still, as one who follows Jesus Christ, I want to say that these are not His ways. I want to apologize for the modern-day pharisees we see on television - the televangelists who daily misrepresent the gospel by feeding off of those who would believe their bunk and send them money. I apologize for their jets, their mansions, their freaking bodyguards, their ridiculous hair and makeup and clothes. I apologize for the fact that they use your money to promote their egos. I'm sorry that they misinterpret the scripture in order to trick others into their lifestyle as well. I confess that there are those who have tried to push their political agendas on others in the name of God - that they have made political stances matters of salvation and eternity. I apologize that Christians around the world have ignored the suffering of the poor and needy, only donating their time, money, and effort if somebody is watching and noticing. I apologize for the fact that the government has been saddled with the responsibility of taking care of the widows, orphans, etc. instead of the Church following the example of our founders in Acts. I'm sorry that so many who follow Christ lash out in hatred and fear at those who are different or share a different view.

Finally, I'm sorry for my own failings. For the times I fail to show love and patience to those around me. For the times I turn my head and look the other direction away from need, injustice, bondage, and suffering. I apologize for my own selfishness and for misrepresenting Jesus to those around me. I confess that I have been guilty of pursuing my own agendas masking them as God's plan. I have pushed my political views on others. I have adopted political and spiritual viewpoints and stances based on what I thought sounded right - not on what Scripture had to say. I have misinterpreted scripture to fit what I wanted to hear, what I wanted to be right. I have gossiped, criticized, and slandered others to make myself look and feel better. I have been lazy and idle when there has been work to be done. I have worked at a feverish pace in order to escape issues and circumstances I didn't want to deal with. I have spent my money in foolish ways instead of investing it in the lives of others who are in need or suffering. I have been complacent. I have been mean. I have been uncaring. I have been stubborn and hard-hearted. For all these things and more, I am sorry.

I know there are those who would step up and defend me from my confessions, assuring me that it's not that bad. But I want to say these things. It is too important that I say them. The church has long hid her sins, protraying one thing to the world and another in secret. We are guilty of proclaiming holiness as looking a certain way on the outside while our hearts are mean and wicked and uncaring. I am learning that my relationship with Jesus is in the heart. I am learning that holiness looks different than most church people think. That righteousness looks different. That it looks like Jesus. It all comes down to Him and what He has done for us. It is about me realizing that in my broken humanity, He is all my hope and all my righteousness and all my holiness. It is about grace. Mercy. Father, as I have confessed before You, may You forgive me and change me. Help me to be more sensitive to Your Spirit - to walking by Your Spirit and not by my broken, stinking flesh. In all my frailty, I love You and pray that I will not bring shame to Your name.

We Cry Out

As I sit here in my palace, my castle, in all my comfort, I am reminded how fortunate I am right now. The images flashed before me on CNN and CBN are horrifying, and I feel the tug of the Holy Spirit to help in some way. The thought that this is happening right here, not very far from us is unreal. To think that a country as wealthy as America is having so much trouble providing food, water, and shelter is incredible to me. Where is corporate America - why aren't the companies who manufacture bottled water coming through for these people? What about major food producers? Why are people simply getting one sandwich and one bottle of water a day? Where are the baby formula producers? I know the answers are not easy - I also know that it's much easier for me to sit in my seat of judgement, my seat of self-righteous comfort. Our only hope is to turn to God and His Word for guidance and comfort and hope.

Father, we cry out to You for Your mercy and for Your intervention in this situation. There are hundreds of thousands of Your precious children who are suffering - we know it does not go unnoticed by You. We know You hear their cries, see their situations, feel their pain and hunger. God I ask that You would provide for Your children like You've done so many times before. Feed them miraculously as You did the children of Israel with manna and the multitudes with just a loaf of bread and 5 fish. We know You are the God of all compassion and all pity and that You are aquainted with grief and sorrow - that You are a High Priest Who is able to understand and sympathize with our weaknesses and infirmities. Father may we access Your grace and mercy and may these victims find help for their every need. Lord speak to our leaders and guide them by Your Holy Spirit. Give them a passionate heart to help - unafraid of giving to the extreme - giving until it hurts. Compel them to take the risk and be Your hands and Your feet. Your word says the wealth of the wicked is stored up for the righteous - Father I pray that You would release the funds and the provisions needed - that the hoarded wealth will somehow be released to help Your children. I thank You, Jesus, that You have Your hand on us at all times - that You work everything together for our good, no matter what the circumstances are.

I thank You that Your arm is not too short to save us. I pray for those who have not found You as their Messiah, as their Savior. I pray that You would speak once again every so gently to their hearts, pursuing them in that relentless, passionate, yet gentle way. I ask that they would feel Your presence near them and Your arms of comfort and salvation wrapped around them. Send Your real and true laborers to them - not just Bible-thumping salesmen intent on adding notches to their belts, but sincere and compassionate, broken-hearted workers who feel the need in the deepest part of their souls. Those who walk in humility and unselfishness, willing to lay down their lives for their friends. Ready to share how the void they feel in their hearts can be filled with You - not using scare tactics of hell, fire, and brimstone, but speaking of Your love and compassion and mercy.

Father, help me to do my part - ready to do whatever You ask of me. Help me to be sensitive to even the smallest thing I could do as well as the biggest. May my children gain an even bigger heart of compassion and sensitivity to human need. May they find that compulsion to help fix what is broken in our society - to be a part of the solution instead of adding to the problem. For the sake of the next generation, I pray that they would have wisdom beyond their years. All these things I ask in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen - so be it!

To all the families who have been touched in any way by this terrible disaster, our prayers are with you saturated with love and support.