Confessions

This blog has been a long time in the writing. I've been mulling it over in my head for a while. I just finished an excellent book, "Blue Like Jazz" by Donald Miller. I highly recommend it to you - although I will warn you that it will shake you up a bit. If you will press past your first overwhelming urge to put it down and never pick it back up again, you will be rewarded with a great read. In one of the chapters, Don tells about how he and some of the other Christians on the campus of Reed University decided to make their presence known on campus during the annual "Ren Fayre". They kicked around several ideas finally settling on setting up a confession booth in the middle of campus with a sign that said "Confess your sins." Here was the catch - they would not be accepting confessions from the students, but doing some confessing to the students asking them to forgive them for the way Jesus' name has been misrepresented throughout history as well as today. I think this was absolutely brilliant. I would like to set up my own blogger-confession booth here today. Won't you sit a while and let me do some apologizing?

First, I want to start as they did - I would like to apologize for the horrendous acts of violence throughout history against humanity in the name of Christ. There have been many people throughout the course of history who have murdered and spread a message of racial hate instead of a gospel of love for all people. I know I didn't have anything to do with these things personally, but still, as one who follows Jesus Christ, I want to say that these are not His ways. I want to apologize for the modern-day pharisees we see on television - the televangelists who daily misrepresent the gospel by feeding off of those who would believe their bunk and send them money. I apologize for their jets, their mansions, their freaking bodyguards, their ridiculous hair and makeup and clothes. I apologize for the fact that they use your money to promote their egos. I'm sorry that they misinterpret the scripture in order to trick others into their lifestyle as well. I confess that there are those who have tried to push their political agendas on others in the name of God - that they have made political stances matters of salvation and eternity. I apologize that Christians around the world have ignored the suffering of the poor and needy, only donating their time, money, and effort if somebody is watching and noticing. I apologize for the fact that the government has been saddled with the responsibility of taking care of the widows, orphans, etc. instead of the Church following the example of our founders in Acts. I'm sorry that so many who follow Christ lash out in hatred and fear at those who are different or share a different view.

Finally, I'm sorry for my own failings. For the times I fail to show love and patience to those around me. For the times I turn my head and look the other direction away from need, injustice, bondage, and suffering. I apologize for my own selfishness and for misrepresenting Jesus to those around me. I confess that I have been guilty of pursuing my own agendas masking them as God's plan. I have pushed my political views on others. I have adopted political and spiritual viewpoints and stances based on what I thought sounded right - not on what Scripture had to say. I have misinterpreted scripture to fit what I wanted to hear, what I wanted to be right. I have gossiped, criticized, and slandered others to make myself look and feel better. I have been lazy and idle when there has been work to be done. I have worked at a feverish pace in order to escape issues and circumstances I didn't want to deal with. I have spent my money in foolish ways instead of investing it in the lives of others who are in need or suffering. I have been complacent. I have been mean. I have been uncaring. I have been stubborn and hard-hearted. For all these things and more, I am sorry.

I know there are those who would step up and defend me from my confessions, assuring me that it's not that bad. But I want to say these things. It is too important that I say them. The church has long hid her sins, protraying one thing to the world and another in secret. We are guilty of proclaiming holiness as looking a certain way on the outside while our hearts are mean and wicked and uncaring. I am learning that my relationship with Jesus is in the heart. I am learning that holiness looks different than most church people think. That righteousness looks different. That it looks like Jesus. It all comes down to Him and what He has done for us. It is about me realizing that in my broken humanity, He is all my hope and all my righteousness and all my holiness. It is about grace. Mercy. Father, as I have confessed before You, may You forgive me and change me. Help me to be more sensitive to Your Spirit - to walking by Your Spirit and not by my broken, stinking flesh. In all my frailty, I love You and pray that I will not bring shame to Your name.