Withdrawl

OK, enough of the 008 days of 007 - I am going through some serious CSI withdrawl. Now I enjoy a James Bond movie as much as anyone, but after the 2nd day I start to get a little antsy. I can only watch Goldfinger and The Spy Who Loved Me so many times.

I guess Law & Order:Criminal Intent and Law & Order: SVU will have to do for now...but we all know it's just not the same.

Can anyone out there relate?

Withdrawl

OK, enough of the 008 days of 007 - I am going through some serious CSI withdrawl. Now I enjoy a James Bond movie as much as anyone, but after the 2nd day I start to get a little antsy. I can only watch Goldfinger and The Spy Who Loved Me so many times.

I guess Law & Order:Criminal Intent and Law & Order: SVU will have to do for now...but we all know it's just not the same.

Can anyone out there relate?

Lessons Learned

One of my favorite Christmas presents this year has been the new CD by Carrie Underwood. It's absolutely wonderful - if you don't have a copy, get to WalMart or wherever and pick up a copy. My blog tonight is simply the words to one of the songs on the CD.

Lessons Learned
(Words & music by Diane Warren)

There's some things that I regret
Some words I wish had gone unsaid
Some starts that had some better endings
Been some bad times I've been through
Damage I could not undo
Some things I wish I could do all over again
But it don't really matter
When life gets that much harder
It makes you that much stronger, oh
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

From every tear that had to fall from my eyes
From every day I wondered how I'd get through the night
From every change life has thrown me
I'm thankful for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every scar
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

There's mistakes that I have made
Some chances I just threw away
Some roads I never should've taken
Been some signs I didn't see
Hearts that I hurt needlessly
Some wounds that I wish I could have one more chance to mend
But it don't make no difference
The past can't be re-written
You get the life you're given, oh
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

From every tear that had to fall from my eyes
From every day I wondered how I'd get through the night
From every change life has trown me
I'm thankful for every break in my heart
I'm grateful for every scar
Some pages turned, some bridges burned
But there were lessons learned

And all the things that break you
Are all the things that make you strong
You can't change the past 'cause it's gone



Amen, sister...

Season Ponderings

I only have an hour to visit with you between caterings, so I'm going to get right to the point here...

Let's begin in Luke 1:26-38; 2:15-19:
"Now in the sixth month [after that], the angel Gabriel was sent from God to a town of Galilee named Nazareth, to a girl never having been married and a virgin engaged to be married to a man whose name was Joseph, a descendant of the house of David; and the virgin's name was Mary. And he came to her and said, 'Hail, O favored one [endued with grace]! The Lord is with you! Blessed (favored of God) are you before all other women!' But when she saw him, she was greatly troubled and disturbed and confused at what he said and kept revolving in her mind what such a greeting might mean. And the angel said to her, 'Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found grace (free, spontaneous, absolute favor and loving-kindness) with God. And listen! You will become pregnant and will give birth to a Son, and you shall call His name Jesus. He will be great (eminent) and will be called the Son of the Most High; and the Lord God will give to Him the throne of His forefather David, and He will reign over the house of Jacob throughout the ages; and of His reign there will be no end.' And Mary said to the angel, 'How can this be, since I have no [intimacy with any man as a] husband?' Then the angel said to her, 'The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you [ like a shining cloud]; and so the holy (pure, sinless) Thing (Offspring) which shall be born of you will be called the Son of God. And listen! Your relative Elizabeth in her old age has also conceived a son, and this is now the sixth month with her who was called barren. For with God nothing is every impossible and no word from God shall be without power or impossible of fulfillment.' Then Mary said, 'Behold, I am the handmaiden of the Lord; let it be done to me according to what you have said.' And the angel left her."

"When the angels went away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, 'Let us go over to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.' So they went with haste and [by searching] found Mary and Joseph, and the Baby lying in a manger. And when they saw it, they made known what had been told them concerning this Child, and all who heard it were astounded and marveled at what the shepherds told them. But Mary was keeping within herself all these things (sayings), weighing and pondering them in her heart."

What kinds of things was Mary weighing and pondering in her heart? Well, let's take a look at some of the things she was told by the angel from God:

She was favored.
The Lord was with her.
Her Son would be great.
He would be called the Son of the Most High.
God would give Him the throne of David.
He would be pure, holy, sinless.
He would be called the Son of God.
That with God nothing is impossible.
That no word from God is without power.

That was a mouthful! Plus, think of all the prophecy that had been given in the Scriptures. Now we know that Mary, being a girl, probably didn't have the access to the education her brothers would have received. But I think she witnessed many conversations in the home and knew the foundations of her faith. She called herself the handmaiden of the Lord, which implies that she had a relationship with Him.

Now let's speculate for a minute some other things she might have heard from others around her at this time. I'm sure as Mary's belly grew, so did the tales concerning her situation. They probably said she was promiscuous, possibly a whore - pregnant out of wedlock, which was not something they took lightly. God's own law would have declared her unclean, and Joseph would have had the right to divorce her or even have her stoned to death. She might have heard someone refer to her unborn Son as illegitimate, an outcast, a bastard. Joseph's friends probably encouraged him to leave her, while her friends might have shunned her out of fear or confusion.

We all know how gossip is. We've all been on the giving and receiving end of its bitterness. We hear so many things as we go through our lives. Some things are from God - things He has spoken to our hearts or shown us in His word. Some things are from man - words of selfishness, greed, envy, or manipulation. When the shepherds came to the manger and told their story of an angelic visitation, everyone around was astounded, shocked! All except Mary. This story was only confirmation for her. She had hidden in her heart the words spoken just nine short months before. She had made a decision to ponder what God had spoken, not man!

We have the same choice today. On the threshold of what could very well be the most exciting and greatest year for the body of Christ, God is asking us to hide His words in our hearts - both His logos (written) word and His rhema (spoken) word - to weigh it and ponder it. Phil 4:8 says, "...whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them]."

What has God spoken to your heart? I want you to take some time today or tonight and write down at least one specific thing God has spoken to you - maybe it's a command to do something, mabye it's encouragement in a difficult situation, maybe it's a dream or a calling to something bigger and better, or maybe you've never really taken time to listen or even acknowledge that God indeed is speaking to you. Wherever you are and whatever it is, make a commitment to weigh and ponder this thing in your heart. Make a decision to cast off what others say out of spite, jealousy, bitterness, or just plain stupidity and ignorance. Choose to throw away the lies of the enemy that bombard your mind and heart. Embrace the vision and calling God is planting in you. Allow whatever He is doing to be done in you as He has spoken. Be the handmaiden or servant of the Lord. Offer all you are for the mercy of His plan.

Mary continued to hold on to these things all through Jesus' life here on earth. She knew who her Son was no matter what the community said or family said. At the wedding of Cana, she pushed for Jesus to do a miracle for the families of the bride and groom. I think she wanted Him to show everyone Who He really was - kind of an "in your face" to all those who had spoken ill against her and her family. This reminds me so much of myself - I would have been right there doing the same thing. I am a proud mama just like Mary. The important thing here was that she didn't give up on what God had said - even though the gossip had died down and her situation wasn't a scandal anymore, the memories of what was whispered in itching ears still remained. But more powerful was the memory of what was engraved in her heart.

Because Mary made this important choice, it gave her the faith to stand and believe God in the face of the cross. She didn't abandon her relationship with God even though as she stood there watching her baby boy die a violent and horrible death, it seemed as if God had lied or that she had made some mistake. There are often circumstances in our lives and in the lives of others that we cannot possibly understand. The enemy is quick to tell us that we didn't really hear from God or that God cannot be trusted. Mary stood there at the cross still believing what God had spoken. I believe it sustained her. I believe the same thing can happen for us. When we stand firm in what God has said, our faith is increased and it sustains us in the hard times.

Have a wonderful Christmas with your families. Love them, hug them, share the incredible grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ with them, and most importantly serve them in humility and love. And if you think of it, say a prayer for this worn-out catering mom.

Just Thinking Tonght

My mind is full of many thoughts tonight. I am thinking about how proud I am of Kelsey and Jonah - tonght was their Sunday School Christmas Program. I am thinking about how much I love the way our Christmas Tree looks in the living room when it's dark. I am thinking how I love the movie on TBS right now - Forrest Gump. I am thinking about how handsome Darrel looks now that he's growing "pork chops" and spiking his hair. But mostly I am thinking about those who have been a part of my life at one time and for one reason or another are no longer here. I am remembering my Grandpa Dumm, who was more like a father to me than a grandfather. I am remembering walking the lane between our house and his, coming right in the house without knocking, impressing him with anything I said, and eating vanilla ice cream that came out of the pink and yellow box in those wonderful blue and pink flower bowls. I am thinking about how much I miss visiting with my friend Tess. How every Christmas in college we would break out Brenda Lee's Christmas tape and sing "It's a marshmallow world made for lovers..." I am missing the laughs and fun we used to have during the holidays down at my gradparents' house on Bull Shoals Lake with my cousins and aunts and uncles. How I miss having my cousin in my life.

I am thinking about how much I loved my horse when I was a kid and how I wish I could share that with Kelsey now. I am remembering a certain Christmas when I got a Barbie cruise ship and a game that was shaped like a shark and you had to reach in and get things out of his mouth with a stick before his teeth clamped down on the stick. I loved those presents. I am thinking about the time when I was about 8 or so when I know I heard Santa and reindeer hooves on the roof above my bed upstairs. (You can't talk me out of it - I heard it plain as day!) I am thinking about my Grandpa Dumm's friend, Dale Tandy, who had Parkinson's and lived in California. He used to come and visit and stay a long time. He was like a second Grandpa to me. He brought me a jockey cap and whip from the racetrack in California. I am thinking about my Aunt Hazel who loved music and family. I am thinking about all my wonderful friends who I seldom get to see - Tanya, Amy, Jerry, Judy, Janet, Jeff.

Tonight I am keenly missing my sister, Susan. I miss looking forward to seeing her and her family over the holidays. I miss standing around her kitchen counters talking and laughing. I miss visiting with her about what's going on in my life and in hers. I miss hearing about the kids and what's going on with them. I miss sharing the cute stories of things my kids have done or said. I miss seeing my whole family together laughing and having fun. I miss playing African Rummy with her and Debbie and my mom. I just miss seeing her face. I wish things would change and she would find the grace to let us all back in. I love her.

The holidays tend to bring these times of reflection and remembering. Maybe it's the fact that I've lived in the kitchen the past week. Maybe it's the stress of working our asses off and still not making ends meet let alone have anything left over for Christmas. I'm not sure I know what brings these dark moods into my life. Sometimes I think God allows these times to help me draw closer to Him - to entice me to search Him out and find my answers in His love.

I'm going to stop thinking and lose myself in another episode of CSI: Miami. Then I am going to bed. Then I am going back out to the kitchen to cater. Again. And I am thankful.

We've Gone Batty

Well, I just can't resist blogging this story - so I'm gonna! Yesterday morning I was awakened by the most unusual sentence: "Diane, I think there's a bat in the house!" I was up immediately to say the least. At first glance, it appeared that a rather large mouse had perched atop our vertical blinds in the kitchen and was either dead or asleep. Then after taking a closer look, I could see its ears, and Darrel could see its wings. We decided to call my dad, which I secretly knew would do no good - he's the champion of "this will be good for them to deal with on their own" in these sorts of situations. He didn't disappoint us - he told Darrel to get a pair of leather gloves on and grab it then put it in a WalMart sack and throw it in the trash. Now, at the risk of offending my beloved man, Darrel is not your average "pick up a rodent with your hands" kind of guy. (Is a bat a rodent? I'm not sure.) But after much prodding by me, he got up his nerve, handed me a large wooden stick to hold just in case he needed it, stood on a chair, started to reach up when the devil MADE me poke him in the back with the stick. After picking myself up off the floor from laughing because Darrel yelled at me (Exact words: Now dammit, Diane, that's not funny! - which made it even funnier!) he climbed back up on the chair and grabbed the sleeping bat. Needless to say it did not stay asleep. It screeched and pooped some guano on my floor - yuck! - and into the WalMart bag it went, fangs bared. Darrel then disposed of the bat (I don't want to know how), came back into the house, changed his drawers (ha - just kidding) and went to work.

What a morning to remember...I always knew I had a few bats in my belfry.

Like They Always Say...Don't Cry Over Dropped Cobbler

I dropped an entire blackberry cobbler today. Right on the floor. All over my new tennis shoes. All over everything in the new kitchen. It was just that kind of day for me. It seemed like everything I touched turned out disasterous. Now I'm sure it wasn't really that way, it just seemed like it. The kids wouldn't do their homework - like the Energizer Bunny, after 5 hours they were "still going". I mean really, how long does it take to write a spelling list?????? Apparently over 5 hours.

It is now almost 11:15pm. I am still baking pumpkin pies for a catering tomorrow. I come in to indulge myself in my favorite thing to do at 11pm every night - watch CSI on Spike TV - and is it on? No! What the heck is going on here? I mean it is on every night at this same time - I'm pretty sure it's a conspiracy. The cobbler, the kids, CSI, for heaven's sake - what's next?

I am ready to take my pies out of the oven and go to bed. I want to sleep and wake up tomorrow to a better day. The wonderful thing about it is that I can do exactly that. God promises me that His mercies are new each morning. I can truly start again - pick up right where I left off. A new day with no mistakes in it - yet, ha! I'm sure this won't be the only time I ever make a mistake, but thank God that His grace is here for me. Good thing Darrel is there for me, too. He had another cobbler in the freezer just in case.

Did you "drop a cobbler" today? If you did, pick it up, throw it in the trash, and get another one out of the freezer - start again! It's easy as pie...er, I mean cobbler!

Changes

Change is in the air for us. Sunday morning we resigned our positions as area coordinators for the FUNatics at Oakton. We have served there for three years, literally founding the whole concept for the group. From it have come the Mountaineers (30's-40's) and the Faith Friends (40's - 50's). It has been an awesome ride for us, full of ups and downs. We still feel like each and every young adult is our "kid" and we know that will never change. It is time to concentrate our efforts into launching Revolution Ministries as we prepare for 2006 and the incredible things God is doing and is going to do. Our catering business has taken off and leaves us with little time to fulfill the demands of the area coordinator positions.

We are looking forward to having the freedom to teach and minister outside the confines of the church building. It is so sad how we as Christians have come to literally worship the organized church and it's facilities and programs and activities - how far have we come from the original church in Acts? Meeting together at all times - not just on Wednesdays and Sundays for the sake of the traditions of men. One thing we see in the original church of Jesus Christ is that people were bivocational - not just earning their money off the church - the money went to meet needs, not salaries. Men's agendas meant little because there was little to profit from them. How sad that man in all his "wisdom" put his finger in pot and mixed things up. Needs were being met - how opposite of today's organized church. People slip through the cracks because of the immense guilt of not being able to serve the structure of organized religion. Instead, why can't the structure change to serve the people? Why are we bound to traditions?

I had a talk with one of my girls last night about this whole issue of guilt and works and what makes a person a Christian. How limited in our thinking we are! We have made our whole existence about salvation - sin consciousness if you will. We feel like the hounds of heaven are breathing down our necks if we do not perform well and do all the outward things man says Christians should do. We put such high expectations on people which really amount to very little in the eyes of God. What He is after is relationship - relationship - relationship. It is about the unseen! Do we see the inner workings of an apple tree? No - we just know it works - apple trees produce apples with no effort. They don't have to try to produce them, or talk themselves into producing them, or spend certain amounts of time with the orchard tender appeasing and trying to convince him to help them produce apples! We do not serve a buddha God! Apple trees produce apples because it is what they are - they are doing what is in them to do. Same with us - God has saved us through His Son, Jesus Christ, and has placed His righteousness in us. Now, through no outward striving of our own, we are transformed into His likeness on the inside (in spirit). The more we get out of the way and allow God to be who He is through us, the more we produce fruit naturally. If we could only see that we do not owe God anything for what He's done for us - He did it because He loved us first. I would hate to think that because I chose Darrel for my husband, that everything he did from now on was because he felt like he owed me. Same with my kids. Same with me and God. I want to please Him because I love Him and I want to show Him that I love Him - just like my children will bring me a flower or pick up their toys without being asked or will just sit and visit with me in the evenings.

I hope I am getting my point across and not just babbling along. Today I feel like we have made the jump and have landed on new ground - fresh ground awaiting seeds to be sown and harvests to be reaped - not only with ministry, but in our thinking and beliefs as well. God is changing us so much. We are finding a new place of walking in Christ's righteousness consciousness. Getting out of the way - abandoning human and selfish ambition and agendas - not trying to be "good enough" anymore, but realizing that in Him we are. Living victorious and as a conquerer. Darrel and I were at Starbucks Saturday night and we saw this girl with a great t-shirt on. It said, "Stop bitching...start a revolution." How great is that? Let's be advocates of change and not sideline whiners. Let's jump in and join this exciting revolution of what we know to be the Church of Jesus Christ - the body! That is my invitation to you today.

By the way, if you are in our area and want to join the Revolution girls for our upcoming study (beginning in January) of the book "Captivating" by John Eldredge, let me know - I'm ordering books this week ($23 for book & workbook). We would love to have you!

Changes

Change is in the air for us. Sunday morning we resigned our positions as area coordinators for the FUNatics at Oakton. We have served there for three years, literally founding the whole concept for the group. From it have come the Mountaineers (30's-40's) and the Faith Friends (40's - 50's). It has been an awesome ride for us, full of ups and downs. We still feel like each and every young adult is our "kid" and we know that will never change. It is time to concentrate our efforts into launching Revolution Ministries as we prepare for 2006 and the incredible things God is doing and is going to do. Our catering business has taken off and leaves us with little time to fulfill the demands of the area coordinator positions.

We are looking forward to having the freedom to teach and minister outside the confines of the church building. It is so sad how we as Christians have come to literally worship the organized church and it's facilities and programs and activities - how far have we come from the original church in Acts? Meeting together at all times - not just on Wednesdays and Sundays for the sake of the traditions of men. One thing we see in the original church of Jesus Christ is that people were bivocational - not just earning their money off the church - the money went to meet needs, not salaries. Men's agendas meant little because there was little to profit from them. How sad that man in all his "wisdom" put his finger in pot and mixed things up. Needs were being met - how opposite of today's organized church. People slip through the cracks because of the immense guilt of not being able to serve the structure of organized religion. Instead, why can't the structure change to serve the people? Why are we bound to traditions?

I had a talk with one of my girls last night about this whole issue of guilt and works and what makes a person a Christian. How limited in our thinking we are! We have made our whole existence about salvation - sin consciousness if you will. We feel like the hounds of heaven are breathing down our necks if we do not perform well and do all the outward things man says Christians should do. We put such high expectations on people which really amount to very little in the eyes of God. What He is after is relationship - relationship - relationship. It is about the unseen! Do we see the inner workings of an apple tree? No - we just know it works - apple trees produce apples with no effort. They don't have to try to produce them, or talk themselves into producing them, or spend certain amounts of time with the orchard tender appeasing and trying to convince him to help them produce apples! We do not serve a buddha God! Apple trees produce apples because it is what they are - they are doing what is in them to do. Same with us - God has saved us through His Son, Jesus Christ, and has placed His righteousness in us. Now, through no outward striving of our own, we are transformed into His likeness on the inside (in spirit). The more we get out of the way and allow God to be who He is through us, the more we produce fruit naturally. If we could only see that we do not owe God anything for what He's done for us - He did it because He loved us first. I would hate to think that because I chose Darrel for my husband, that everything he did from now on was because he felt like he owed me. Same with my kids. Same with me and God. I want to please Him because I love Him and I want to show Him that I love Him - just like my children will bring me a flower or pick up their toys without being asked or will just sit and visit with me in the evenings.

I hope I am getting my point across and not just babbling along. Today I feel like we have made the jump and have landed on new ground - fresh ground awaiting seeds to be sown and harvests to be reaped - not only with ministry, but in our thinking and beliefs as well. God is changing us so much. We are finding a new place of walking in Christ's righteousness consciousness. Getting out of the way - abandoning human and selfish ambition and agendas - not trying to be "good enough" anymore, but realizing that in Him we are. Living victorious and as a conquerer. Darrel and I were at Starbucks Saturday night and we saw this girl with a great t-shirt on. It said, "Stop bitching...start a revolution." How great is that? Let's be advocates of change and not sideline whiners. Let's jump in and join this exciting revolution of what we know to be the Church of Jesus Christ - the body! That is my invitation to you today.

By the way, if you are in our area and want to join the Revolution girls for our upcoming study (beginning in January) of the book "Captivating" by John Eldredge, let me know - I'm ordering books this week ($23 for book & workbook). We would love to have you!

My Jingle Bells

I sat down last night to watch "The Polar Express" with Darrel after we finished working out in the kitchen, and I was amazed at the beauty of this picture. It was exciting and touching. As the movie neared the end, I realized that God was again speaking in His gentle way to my heart. Now I'm going to warn you - I'm going to tell what happens, so if you don't want to know, go out and rent it and then read this - ha!

The little boy in the film takes a ride on the Polar Express - a train to the North Pole. On his journey, he makes friends with two other children and has many exciting close calls along the way. He meets a hobo who tells the young boy that "seeing is believing". The boy is doubtful about whether all this is true. In fact, he cannot hear the sound of jingle bells because of his unbelief. In the end, after being in the North Pole, seeing the workshop for himself, and seeing Santa Claus, the boy decides that he does believe after all. Instantly he begins to hear the beautiful sound of the jingle bells. He even ends up with the first present of Christmas - a jingle bell off of Santa's sleigh. Upon boarding the train home, the boy finds that he has lost his jingle bell due to a hole in his pocket. He is very downhearted.

I saw myself so plainly in this little boy. I, like him, am on a journey with many perils and close calls. I'm not altogether sure of where I'm going - some far off land that seems more like a dream or a fairy tale than reality. I have made some very good friends along the way who help me become the person I am to be. I am told by my doubts that seeing is believing - their voices a constant nagging in my head. But as I experience life and the wonder of all that God does for me and for others in my life, I once again believe. As I choose to believe, I can hear the wonderful sound of the Spirit and of my Savior as He moves. I am reminded that Scripture tells me "blessed are those who don't see and yet believe." I hold on to little "jingle bells" as a symbol of my faith - I'm not so sure I can truly believe without them. When I lose them along the way, I am disheartened and my faith is shaken.

I have been told that I read way too much into things at times - perhaps this is one of them. I mean after all, it is only a movie...but bear with me. Aren't we so much like this little boy? As I asked God what my "jingle bells" were, several came popping into my mind. Church, my routines, traditions, contentedness, a feeling of happiness and well-being, circumstances...I could go on and on I think. As long as I can feel these "jingle bells" in my pocket, I have tremendous faith and feel like I can believe for anything. But why is it when I feel that one of my "indulgences" is gone, I can crash so easily into doubt and fear? It's not that these things are inherantly bad or anything. I am just simply feeling God calling me again to something deeper - asking me to give up these relics and icons and put my faith, my relationship, my belief in Him - without all the outward gratifications and confirmations. I can be so insecure and addicted to approval. I lose the joy and beauty of these everyday things like church, routines, traditions, happiness, circumstances. I can't see or hear God moving in them when I hold so tightly to them for my belief. I think it's then I begin to realize that when I let these things go - when I don't depend on them to supply my belief and faith - and just believe from my heart whether I see or not, He gives them back to me in a beautiful way.

The young boy awakes Christmas morning to find the jingle bell wrapped in a box with a note from Mr. C saying he had found the bell on the seat of his sleigh. The boy and his sister think the bell sounds so beautiful, but their parents think it is broken. He goes on to say that he can still hear the bell even though everyone else in his life has ceased to hear it's beautiful ring. I am embarking on reading a new book called "Revolution" by George Barna. Darrel says to hold on because it will challenge me in a new way. He says I am holding on to things to give me faith - to give me security in my relationship with God. I think I am getting ready to lose some of my jingle bells! Ha! I have a feeling we will be hashing this out as I progress through the book. Thanks for coming along on this journey with me - I think we'll both find some new paths and new ideas along the way.